Pigeons running down the pavement.

It's true

27,112 notes

teacher:
what unit of measurement-
me:
in daylights
teacher:
thats not-
me:
in sunsets
me:
in midnights
teacher:
you cant-
me:
in cups of coffee
teacher:
thats impossi-
me:
in inches
teacher:
yes! thats what i-
me:
in miles
teacher:
but you just-
me:
in laughter
me:
in strife
teacher:
*opens mouth*-
me:
in five hundred-twenty five thousand-six hundred minutes
teacher:
well in this case you dont measure in ti-
me:
how about looooooooooooooooove
teacher:
i give up
me:
measure in looooooooooove
teacher:
out
me:
seasons of loooooooooooooooove (attempt to harmonize with myself)

2 notes

Okay…

I’m not really a jealous person, I mean I trust people quite easily.
But here’s the thing; guys gotta keep their hands off my girlfriend.

The flirting was fine by me, because I know she didn’t pay much attention to it. But this time he has crossed the damn line. You can’t just randomly kiss a girl on the cheek, especially when she is an instructor at the gym you go to! How can she feel comfortable at work when stuff like this happens?! Now he has made her all upset.

I. Don’t. Like. This. Guy.

138,951 notes

The Defibrillator Toaster My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!” “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!” He’s bread, Jim. Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!  JESUS CRUST. JAM IT! “Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

(Source: secretsbest, via imnotthirsty)